Today is my maternal grandmother’s birthday, 7/11. She was a boss in every sense of the word. She ran the books, the businesses, the households. Wife, mother, partner. Shrewd and with one of the strongest senses of discernment I’ve ever known. While these qualities made her an amazing business owner, they often complicated her relationship with her children and, of course, me (her only grandchild). I learned a lot about people and negotiation watching her. The things she could do with money and a business were amazing. But years of fighting to survive starting at a super young age and then going into television and radio, followed by construction, and then finally the healthcare sector created a toughness that never really went away — not even at home with a four year old.
Though she passed over a decade ago, it has taken some work to process how her parenting decisions impacted my childhood. While I value my independence and disinterest in what my peers think of my hobbies or abilities, I’m still struggling to break free from the isolationism and the harsh black-and-white view I can have of other people’s judgement. As an adult, I’ve come to realize that it is important to have a support system of friends for when times are tough and when you just want to have some fun. There’s still quite a bit unwiring and rewiring to do. However, through my efforts to move past the upset and see her more completely as a woman, I’ve arrived at a place where I can value both her abilities and accomplishments.
Before this reading, I was actually praying and crying to her. I really need those qualities, her super powers, right now. Her drive, her strength, her determination, her business sense, her wisdom about money. That steel to keep me held up cause there’s nobody left to help pick me up anymore. I’m all I’ve got at the minute. Add to it that I’m like most Geminis and I make my best money when I’m happy and energized. If I could just tap into her energy and get supercharged, it could really help me turn a corner I feel. Plus there was always this vibe of unflappability she projected. She was human and I know things got to her. But she always said that there would be a time to cry later. It’s good that I’m learning to access and process my emotions through shadow work, but I still need to be able to put them to the side in order to see a situation clearly and make the best decision.
I asked what Goddesses I should also look to for qualities that I need to accomplish my goals. Shuffling the deck, these are the two Goddesses that came out:
- Freyja –
- What leaps out to me is the parallel in Freyja’s mythology about deciding who lives and who dies, who goes where and the gift of discernment when it comes to judging people’s character. Do I do the deal with this person? Are they trustworthy? Will they operate with integrity?
- Another part of her is her seemingly unrestrained self-fulfillment. If she wants something (or someone), she decides what it’s worth and that’s it. She sets the terms. Could this be more transactional than gluttonous? A kind of supply and demand versus the superficial debauchery that it has seemingly been framed as through various narratives
- A point to consider is whether some of her choices were actually focused intent for ritual magic. Sex magic is an extremely powerful form of manifestation and intention-setting. She has been recognized as a practitioner and teacher of Seidhr. My takeaway from this is don’t let anybody fuck with your mojo. Your power is inside of you, wield it. Don’t let anyone talk you out of it. The words of others are are only able to restrict your ability if you put yourself in that box.
- Eirene –
- A counterbalance to the powers above would be the comforting waters of Peace, at first glance. And while this is true on the surface, I think Eirene can augment Freyja in the pursuit of freedom, abundance, and success instead of just being a way to soften or temper. It’s easy to go to war to get what you want. Especially if the balance of power is tipped in your favor. War is also expensive in so many ways.
- “Plenty prospering under the protection of Peace.” (See card, famous statue), “Eirene (Peace), the enemy of revenge, lover of families and children, patroness of wealth. Yet these blessings we viciously neglect, embrace wars; man with man, city with city fights, the strong enslaves the weak.” (See previous link).
- What I’m receiving from Eirene: Be mindful of your wake. Resentment and envy can come back to bite you, avoid future troubles by marrying the informed decisiveness of Freyja with the essence of noncombative Peace and the subsequent abundance of Eirene. If you’re fighting, you can’t create. If you’re arguing, you can’t collaborate.
Not at all surprised by this pair. My grandmother was a Cancer Sun and Aries Moon with a Leo Stellium (Mercury, Venus, Mars, and Neptune plus North Node and Descendant) and a 7th House Stellium. In addition to her Sun, her Pluto, Lilith, and Ceres are in Cancer. Her chart is mostly fire with water making up a considerable portion of the 2nd half. The water side didn’t always channel the best qualities of her Cancerian energy. It’s hard not to notice and appreciate the duality present though. We both have Aquarius as our rising sign and I think that can compound things with an aloofness or in some cases a standoffishness.
While my grandmother was incredibly successful in business and with money, she always took a very aggressive stance with people. Looking back, I do believe she was correct in who she cut out of deals and the relationships she ended. But I’m also able to see that her methodology caused a lot of resentment and burned a lot of bridges. On more than one occasion, this came back to haunt us.
The ultimate point of this pairing is that I don’t have to firebomb everyone who I find to be unfit, deceitful, or a hindrance to my success in achieving my goals. Freyja’s (and my Grandmother’s) traits get me the actionable intelligence I need to then make an informed and measured (Eirene) decision that allows me to move forward.
I have to make serious money. I have to make enough money to buy my own home, save for an eventual replacement car, build a nest egg for retire, and also enough to make sure the rest of my family is safe and stable. Oh, and manage to date, fall in love, get married, and have a kid. Man, kids are expensive as well.
It’s doable. All of it. I mean, I can either lay here and cry and count the minutes until I wind up in a pine box or I can get up, do the research, make plans, and try. My clock is ticking. I hear it. Not just about becoming a mother, but to make sure that I have enough set aside to live comfortably in my old age.
One thing is different though. The money I’m earning will go to my debt reduction, savings, and my house down-payment first before I bail anybody else out. The only exception to this is if my father is in crisis. Everybody else is able to work and earn money right now. They need to fucking do it.
[As an aside, I don’t pay much attention to the message on the cards, nor do I read from a rather misleading guidebook. Instead, I decide to independently research the Goddesses and their history.
Freyja, to me, is one of those Goddesses that is rather fraught when it comes to quantifying what she represents based on the narrative we can easily access. Some others I would include in this group are Inanna/Ishtar, Lilith, Mary Magdalene, etc. There’s always a part of my awareness that factors in the possible distortion that is added when looking (or reading) through what can be a very misogynistic lens. But, like humans, deity is multifaceted and to try and pigeonhole them into one or two categories is pretty unfair. So, I try to focus on events and reactions that are mentioned by multiple sources or even the feel and theme that comes across when I research them.]