Hekate (from The Goddess Oracle by Amy Sophia Marashinsky) is my guide for December.
For the last couple of months, I have pulled Goddess cards from whichever oracle deck has responded. My request is for a goddess (or multiple) to connect with, to look to, to learn from in order to meet the month’s challenges and continue on my journey. This particular deck is one that I’ve had for a while, but hadn’t (until tonight) responded to my energy.
When Hekate popped out, I saw her and felt a wave of sadness. Part of me, the old me, has to die. I have to let her go. I know this has been coming and not just because of all the times the Death Card has appeared in my personal tarot readings. But I’ve felt the increasing push towards change, towards a crossroads as well.
As a young Gemini, I discovered how to transform my exterior to change what I felt inside. If my heart got broken or something negative happened in my life I changed my hair, my appearance, New clothes, different swagger. I’d delete all my social media, photos, journal entries. A complete data wipe and new image of a better OS went on my metaphorical hard drive. Looking back, this is quite the example of Glamour Magick. But I was doing this all the way back in high school, maybe middle school before I first explored witchcraft. I wasn’t erasing memories per se, because I’m still sentimental and hold onto certain items from people. But anything written or illustrated that cataloged hurt, confrontation, disappointment, whatever, I’d dump it. Even burn it. This ability to manipulate my appearance is also why I enjoy makeup and costumes/cosplay so much. It’s the reason why I can use a photo of my face on social media and still be in the broom closet. That’s me, but not the version of me my family or colleagues see. They don’t know her. They wouldn’t recognize her — me in that form if we passed on the street.
Today is my maternal grandmother’s birthday, 7/11. She was a boss in every sense of the word. She ran the books, the businesses, the households. Wife, mother, partner. Shrewd and with one of the strongest senses of discernment I’ve ever known. While these qualities made her an amazing business owner, they often complicated her relationship with her children and, of course, me (her only grandchild). I learned a lot about people and negotiation watching her. The things she could do with money and a business were amazing. But years of fighting to survive starting at a super young age and then going into television and radio, followed by construction, and then finally the healthcare sector created a toughness that never really went away — not even at home with a four year old.
Though she passed over a decade ago, it has taken some work to process how her parenting decisions impacted my childhood. While I value my independence and disinterest in what my peers think of my hobbies or abilities, I’m still struggling to break free from the isolationism and the harsh black-and-white view I can have of other people’s judgement. As an adult, I’ve come to realize that it is important to have a support system of friends for when times are tough and when you just want to have some fun. There’s still quite a bit unwiring and rewiring to do. However, through my efforts to move past the upset and see her more completely as a woman, I’ve arrived at a place where I can value both her abilities and accomplishments.
Before this reading, I was actually praying and crying to her. I really need those qualities, her super powers, right now. Her drive, her strength, her determination, her business sense, her wisdom about money. That steel to keep me held up cause there’s nobody left to help pick me up anymore. I’m all I’ve got at the minute. Add to it that I’m like most Geminis and I make my best money when I’m happy and energized. If I could just tap into her energy and get supercharged, it could really help me turn a corner I feel. Plus there was always this vibe of unflappability she projected. She was human and I know things got to her. But she always said that there would be a time to cry later. It’s good that I’m learning to access and process my emotions through shadow work, but I still need to be able to put them to the side in order to see a situation clearly and make the best decision.
I asked what Goddesses I should also look to for qualities that I need to accomplish my goals. Shuffling the deck, these are the two Goddesses that came out:
Felt the pull to break out my Goddess Guidance Oracle Deck to see who I should connect with to navigate through January.
Hawaiian Pele and Celtic Aine goddesses hopped out of a nicely flowing shuffle.
With Tutu Pele, the theme of fire and deeper creation through the surface of destruction mirrors a lot of the wands energy I’ve been getting in Tarot lately. A way for me to survive was going dormant. Now, I need to transition out of that and become passionate again, motivated, creative. There’s a lot inside that has hardened and needs to be cracked so that new and fresh can flow through for growth.
Regarding Aine, my Venus in Cancer loves her connection to water, healing, musicality, emotional expression, sensuality, wealth and abundance, and the moon. Her correspondences are air (Gemini & Aquarius power!), rabbits, and is depicted as a redhead! As gentle and caring as she is, there is also a ferocity present. Justice is a theme I get from reading about her. The bit about the rabbits really touched my heart for personal reasons.
I can be nurturing without putting myself in an unbalanced and unhealthy situation. I can harness the power of these gifts to both create and connect to ultimately gain my independence.
Vesta decided to come through on an ending shuffle and is more of an affirmation of the changes materialising within my family unit. I’m seeing great positive progress in certain areas. For that, I’m very grateful.
I woke up today and decided to do my first reading with the Goddess Guidance Oracle Deck. Scorpio Season and Venus in retrograde have taken the peaceful little bay I’ve created for myself and people I love and turned it into an insane whirlpool of feels. People are not just becoming unmoored, but they are straight up losing their shit.
I need some help. I need some guidance. I need some positive, powerful female forces. So, I asked to see which Goddesses from whose stories I could learn the most and then apply that knowledge to help things right now. This is who popped up:
I love this squad of awesome Goddesses. There’s an element of Duality in their nature in some of them that I really connect with as a Gemini. There’s also a strong theme of water energy present which my Venus in Cancer is drinking up.