Today is my maternal grandmother’s birthday, 7/11. She was a boss in every sense of the word. She ran the books, the businesses, the households. Wife, mother, partner. Shrewd and with one of the strongest senses of discernment I’ve ever known. While these qualities made her an amazing business owner, they often complicated her relationship with her children and, of course, me (her only grandchild). I learned a lot about people and negotiation watching her. The things she could do with money and a business were amazing. But years of fighting to survive starting at a super young age and then going into television and radio, followed by construction, and then finally the healthcare sector created a toughness that never really went away — not even at home with a four year old.
Though she passed over a decade ago, it has taken some work to process how her parenting decisions impacted my childhood. While I value my independence and disinterest in what my peers think of my hobbies or abilities, I’m still struggling to break free from the isolationism and the harsh black-and-white view I can have of other people’s judgement. As an adult, I’ve come to realize that it is important to have a support system of friends for when times are tough and when you just want to have some fun. There’s still quite a bit unwiring and rewiring to do. However, through my efforts to move past the upset and see her more completely as a woman, I’ve arrived at a place where I can value both her abilities and accomplishments.
Before this reading, I was actually praying and crying to her. I really need those qualities, her super powers, right now. Her drive, her strength, her determination, her business sense, her wisdom about money. That steel to keep me held up cause there’s nobody left to help pick me up anymore. I’m all I’ve got at the minute. Add to it that I’m like most Geminis and I make my best money when I’m happy and energized. If I could just tap into her energy and get supercharged, it could really help me turn a corner I feel. Plus there was always this vibe of unflappability she projected. She was human and I know things got to her. But she always said that there would be a time to cry later. It’s good that I’m learning to access and process my emotions through shadow work, but I still need to be able to put them to the side in order to see a situation clearly and make the best decision.
I asked what Goddesses I should also look to for qualities that I need to accomplish my goals. Shuffling the deck, these are the two Goddesses that came out:Continue reading “Grandmother’s Guidance”