Hekate (from The Goddess Oracle by Amy Sophia Marashinsky) is my guide for December.
For the last couple of months, I have pulled Goddess cards from whichever oracle deck has responded. My request is for a goddess (or multiple) to connect with, to look to, to learn from in order to meet the month’s challenges and continue on my journey. This particular deck is one that I’ve had for a while, but hadn’t (until tonight) responded to my energy.
When Hekate popped out, I saw her and felt a wave of sadness. Part of me, the old me, has to die. I have to let her go. I know this has been coming and not just because of all the times the Death Card has appeared in my personal tarot readings. But I’ve felt the increasing push towards change, towards a crossroads as well.
As a young Gemini, I discovered how to transform my exterior to change what I felt inside. If my heart got broken or something negative happened in my life I changed my hair, my appearance, New clothes, different swagger. I’d delete all my social media, photos, journal entries. A complete data wipe and new image of a better OS went on my metaphorical hard drive. Looking back, this is quite the example of Glamour Magick. But I was doing this all the way back in high school, maybe middle school before I first explored witchcraft. I wasn’t erasing memories per se, because I’m still sentimental and hold onto certain items from people. But anything written or illustrated that cataloged hurt, confrontation, disappointment, whatever, I’d dump it. Even burn it. This ability to manipulate my appearance is also why I enjoy makeup and costumes/cosplay so much. It’s the reason why I can use a photo of my face on social media and still be in the broom closet. That’s me, but not the version of me my family or colleagues see. They don’t know her. They wouldn’t recognize her — me in that form if we passed on the street.
Before diving into my first reading with the DFO deck (pictured above), I want to talk about Khadijah. While I make it very clear that I’m head over heels about the artwork in this deck, this card in particular is at the very top of my favorites. Her pose, her power, her style, her age. It fits so well with her story, but is also a perfect example of what I see in my mind’s eye when I think of an empowered, respected, successful woman. As a woman who not only has her own business, but comes from a line of women who have done the same, I find that Khadijah resonates deeply with me. Meeting her at this time in my life is really magickal, in my eyes, as there are still things I want to achieve professionally, but also desire to start a family of my own. While working on this unboxing post and the previous comparison post, her card was one of the first that stood out to me. She’s hard to miss! In fact, when I would shuffle, select, or arrange the cards, her card kept reappearing.
I honestly didn’t who she was prior to looking her up in the guidebook. It has inspired me to learn more about her though and I wish more people knew of her as I think that would really go far in combating discrimination and stereotypes. This, in and of itself, is one of the prime examples of why I believe in and support a deck like this that seemingly approaches these revered figures with tremendous love and respect.
When I first began shuffling, it was a bit awkward as the matte finish of the cards forces a change in how my fingers need to work. Practice makes perfect and as time went on, I found the rhythm. Prior to this, I had cleansed under the moon the scarf you see beneath the cards and then slept with the deck under my pillow. A delightfully clean blend of Rosemary and Spearmint was burning through the evening and as I did this reading.
Today is my maternal grandmother’s birthday, 7/11. She was a boss in every sense of the word. She ran the books, the businesses, the households. Wife, mother, partner. Shrewd and with one of the strongest senses of discernment I’ve ever known. While these qualities made her an amazing business owner, they often complicated her relationship with her children and, of course, me (her only grandchild). I learned a lot about people and negotiation watching her. The things she could do with money and a business were amazing. But years of fighting to survive starting at a super young age and then going into television and radio, followed by construction, and then finally the healthcare sector created a toughness that never really went away — not even at home with a four year old.
Though she passed over a decade ago, it has taken some work to process how her parenting decisions impacted my childhood. While I value my independence and disinterest in what my peers think of my hobbies or abilities, I’m still struggling to break free from the isolationism and the harsh black-and-white view I can have of other people’s judgement. As an adult, I’ve come to realize that it is important to have a support system of friends for when times are tough and when you just want to have some fun. There’s still quite a bit unwiring and rewiring to do. However, through my efforts to move past the upset and see her more completely as a woman, I’ve arrived at a place where I can value both her abilities and accomplishments.
Before this reading, I was actually praying and crying to her. I really need those qualities, her super powers, right now. Her drive, her strength, her determination, her business sense, her wisdom about money. That steel to keep me held up cause there’s nobody left to help pick me up anymore. I’m all I’ve got at the minute. Add to it that I’m like most Geminis and I make my best money when I’m happy and energized. If I could just tap into her energy and get supercharged, it could really help me turn a corner I feel. Plus there was always this vibe of unflappability she projected. She was human and I know things got to her. But she always said that there would be a time to cry later. It’s good that I’m learning to access and process my emotions through shadow work, but I still need to be able to put them to the side in order to see a situation clearly and make the best decision.
I asked what Goddesses I should also look to for qualities that I need to accomplish my goals. Shuffling the deck, these are the two Goddesses that came out:
I woke up today and decided to do my first reading with the Goddess Guidance Oracle Deck. Scorpio Season and Venus in retrograde have taken the peaceful little bay I’ve created for myself and people I love and turned it into an insane whirlpool of feels. People are not just becoming unmoored, but they are straight up losing their shit.
I need some help. I need some guidance. I need some positive, powerful female forces. So, I asked to see which Goddesses from whose stories I could learn the most and then apply that knowledge to help things right now. This is who popped up:
I love this squad of awesome Goddesses. There’s an element of Duality in their nature in some of them that I really connect with as a Gemini. There’s also a strong theme of water energy present which my Venus in Cancer is drinking up.