Was it any surprise that I was going to do a Valentine’s Day reading with The Lovers Path Tarot? It’s such a beautiful deck. And full of wisdom! I keep it in this embroidered burgundy and gold drawstring bag that matches the palette of the deck’s artwork. I had been looking around a bit for a cloth to do readings on for it and happened across this gorgeous vintage Oscar de la Renta scarf with all the reds, pinks, and purples a person could want. My heart!
I have this relative that I’ve mentioned previously, the fire sign. She’s a maternal figure of sorts. She’s my mother’s sister. We have a very complicated relationship and it’s something I’ve really been working to improve. Earlier today, I was trying to help her with something. Unfortunately, it was beyond my ability and she’d have to find someone else to get it sorted. I came back to my desk to do my Valentine’s Day reading and she was sorta floating in and out of my head a bit whilst I was trying to get centered. It wasn’t enough to get me to stop shuffling, so I just went with it. Up come the Six of Swords and the Wheel of Fortune cards.
About a week ago, the Osho Zen Tarot deck arrived and I took some pretty photos of it showcasing the artwork. Just a few days after that, I pulled cards for my first reading. What an insightful experience.
I had been shuffling for a while and – though the cards felt quick and light – nothing was coming out. For a few days prior, I had slept with the cards under my pillow and they had snuggled with my main deck (Radiant Rider Waite) as well as the Lovers Path deck. They were definitely charged. A couple times I reworded my questions. Same result, quick and spirited flow in the shuffle, but nothing. Normally, I’d look at the bottom of the deck to see what was flowing underneath, but instead I just cleared my thoughts. I decided to let the cards talk about what they wanted to talk about.
Boom, a chunk of cards sprouted up stuck together. I can’t remember how many of what is on here were in that group, but I think only the last three were bottom of the deck. I’m going to quote from the guidebook in the order the cards came up. In parentheses is the name of the RW card that shares the same position to showcase the connections and differences.
XI Breakthrough (Justice): “…the brilliant glow emanates from the solar plexus… if you are now feeling that ‘enough is enough’ [I am.], allow yourself to take the risk of shattering the old patterns and limitations that have kept your energy from flowing… It is the greatest adventure in life to go through a breakdown consciously. It is the greatest risk because there is no guarantee that the breakdown will become a breakthrough… But without facing this danger nobody has ever become integrated [!!!], nobody has ever become an individual, indivisible.”
Story time! My childhood sweetheart, Mr. Taurus, had a username with Osiris in it for the longest when we were younger. Earlier this year (during one of our episodes of talking), I asked him why he picked that name, if he knew the story of Isis and Osiris. He said he couldn’t remember why he picked it, but had probably heard the story in school around that time or something. Sigh.
My Venus is in Cancer, his is in Gemini. I’ve spent a lot of my life thinking that loving him would usher in change and fix problems. It didn’t. Maybe he got bored? I remember when he first brought up getting a small house together where he was living. I panicked. It was far away from my family, my work, and in a much smaller town that was hours away from the beach.
He has been on my mind today since the massive hurricane. When I saw the Osiris/Isis (The Lover) card reversed, I cried. The rest of the cards (Five of Pentacles = emotional starvation, Eight of Cups = time to let go and walk on versus Ten of Cups = the dream, Nine of Cups = getting everything together) confirm that intuitive interpretation.
I’m eyeing that Page of Cups and the Dionysus and Ariadne (Triumph/World Card) as well. Out with the old and in with the new?
Life is funny. I had (have, up until five minutes ago) two people in my life that I considered to be my closest friends. Both of them I had dated at one point in our lives and both decided to be friends after the breakups.
Mr. Taurus was the one I had dated off and on since our teen years and the one I had hoped would eventually get his shit together. Mr. Scorpio was someone I just happened to meet and it was unexpected and amazing, but a romantic relationship wasn’t sustainable between us at that point. Very different personalities, but with some interesting similarities. An example? Both played baseball in school. Both no longer can. One refuses to look at, talk about, or watch baseball. Any time I bring it up, he gets mad and won’t talk to me. The other loves baseball and any discussion about it. The sport is actually one of the things that we share and enjoy quite a bit in our friendship. Care to guess which is which?
Feel the breeze. Smell the salt. Release the pain.
Sometimes, the quickest and easiest way for me to recharge is to hop in the car, roll down the windows, and head to the beach.
I’ve never lived especially inland. However, there have been a few times in my life when I have moved to places where I may be near water, but I can’t see it or smell it. On the Gulf Coast, you can wind up in a rural area that feels very isolated and inland, but the Gulf of Mexico is a mile to the west. The air, the movement still helps me to feel better, especially if I have my favourite music playing. Still, it’s not quite the same.
Seeing the beach, the waves, smelling the salt, is probably one of the most powerful forms of passive rejuvenation that I’ve discovered. I say passive to mean that I don’t have to sit and actively focus on clearing my mind, doing an inventory, constantly trying to bring my thoughts under control. It just happens when I go along those coastal drives. Even when it’s super hot, the movement, vision, aromas of Salt Life washes over me and is so cleansing.
My natal Mars (not retrograde) is in Capricorn same as my moon. This full moon in Capricorn and Retrograde in Aquarius (my ascendant) really hit me.
The fatigue started Thursday afternoon. I call it that because at the time, that’s what it felt like. I didn’t sleep well the night before and I initially thought I was getting run down. But then I started to really listen to my body. I was sighing a lot. My muscles and actual physical self didn’t feel tired. I focused in and instead realized that I was tired — exhausted even.
Gemini season was rough. My natural instincts were to kinda be quiet and stay to myself. Every now and again I’d pop up and hang with some friends for some laughs. That was a double edged sword until I started being smarter about it. But I mostly tried to focus on writing and working on self.
Going into Cancer season (my Venus is in Cancer and figures very strongly in areas where I’ve needed to work on), I was trepidatious. There’s still a large part of my personality that doesn’t want to talk/experience my emotions. I remember doing a few big birthday readings and during one of them I had this light bulb moment.
The day of Mars going retro I had a big conversation with my father (Capricorn). My relationship with my father is very complicated. My stepmother is a very spiritual person and I asked him to ask her to pray for me. A few weeks prior to this I had gotten some not great news that might negatively affect the stability of my current living situation. Vague, I know. But I’m not trying to breathe life to this.
He wanted more info and I needed someone to talk to. My mother (Scorpio) is no longer living and she was my best friend. Historically, my father has always treated me like a child though there’s also a strong element of misogyny in this. A good example of the dynamic is the fact that I had a small business working with executives offering a slew of services to help their businesses. My father reduced this to me working as an executive assistant.