I’m a Gemini Sun with Mercury in Gemini as well. Writing is my passion. My career is all about words (the law, in fact). Being able to communicate and understand make up such a large part of what I’m about it’s not at all surprising that I’ve always wanted to be able to speak as many languages as possible. My Ascendant is Aquarius and my Pluto in the 8th house. Understanding how and why people think what they do about things is also fascinating to me as it can also be used to build stronger bridges when there’s a cultural divide. I want to swim through the depths of people’s minds because I find them fascinating. This does often help me with character development, but my interest in the who, what, why, and how of people has always been a focus of my curiosity.
I heard recently that people who are attracted to learning languages often also have an affinity for patterns. That was a real light bulb moment for me. It doesn’t just apply within the context of how I personally process and learn a new language (grammatical structure, spelling, usage patterns, mnemonics), but I also with my love of cryptograms, codes, and puzzles.
Today is my maternal grandmother’s birthday, 7/11. She was a boss in every sense of the word. She ran the books, the businesses, the households. Wife, mother, partner. Shrewd and with one of the strongest senses of discernment I’ve ever known. While these qualities made her an amazing business owner, they often complicated her relationship with her children and, of course, me (her only grandchild). I learned a lot about people and negotiation watching her. The things she could do with money and a business were amazing. But years of fighting to survive starting at a super young age and then going into television and radio, followed by construction, and then finally the healthcare sector created a toughness that never really went away — not even at home with a four year old.
Though she passed over a decade ago, it has taken some work to process how her parenting decisions impacted my childhood. While I value my independence and disinterest in what my peers think of my hobbies or abilities, I’m still struggling to break free from the isolationism and the harsh black-and-white view I can have of other people’s judgement. As an adult, I’ve come to realize that it is important to have a support system of friends for when times are tough and when you just want to have some fun. There’s still quite a bit unwiring and rewiring to do. However, through my efforts to move past the upset and see her more completely as a woman, I’ve arrived at a place where I can value both her abilities and accomplishments.
Before this reading, I was actually praying and crying to her. I really need those qualities, her super powers, right now. Her drive, her strength, her determination, her business sense, her wisdom about money. That steel to keep me held up cause there’s nobody left to help pick me up anymore. I’m all I’ve got at the minute. Add to it that I’m like most Geminis and I make my best money when I’m happy and energized. If I could just tap into her energy and get supercharged, it could really help me turn a corner I feel. Plus there was always this vibe of unflappability she projected. She was human and I know things got to her. But she always said that there would be a time to cry later. It’s good that I’m learning to access and process my emotions through shadow work, but I still need to be able to put them to the side in order to see a situation clearly and make the best decision.
I asked what Goddesses I should also look to for qualities that I need to accomplish my goals. Shuffling the deck, these are the two Goddesses that came out:
Got this up on my desktops, screen savers, lock screens. Trying to channel that Empress energy. Trying to use the Major Arcana as visualisation to stay motivated, balanced, creative, and receptive.
I am ready to heal and build a positive relationship with my past and family (Six of Cups). I am ready to celebrate life and move forward (Four of Wands) with the ultimate goal to have a fulfilling, bountiful family life built on strong emotional bonds (Ten of Cups).
I embrace my inner High Priestess and Strength to facilitate change and rebirth (Death Card) with the goal to attain better balance (Temperance).
I am ready to make better choices, the right choices against negative and sabotaging behaviour (The Lovers card). I am open and ready to receive love (Ace of Cups) and experience positive exchanges of emotions as well as the possibility of love (Two of Cups).
I will channel and embody Empress Energy (The Empress) to continue my journey forward (The Chariot), full of creativity and drive (Ace of Wands). I will keep my emotions, energy, and creativity flowing with hope and positivity (The Star). The Wheel will always turn (The Wheel of Fortune).
My family, financial abundance, success, and good health will all be restored (Ten of Pentacles).
Hope to one day have a nice cottage where I can build a large water system for a Koi garden. Very calming and relaxing being around and seeing fish. All the varieties, shapes, sizes, patterns, and colours! They’re so majestic and beautiful.
**30th Jan 2019 Update: Whilst importing and reformatting my posts from Tumblr (RiP), I came across this entry. It was a month before my mum would unexpectedly die. I have gone back to school and paid down some of my credit card debt. That’s something. So much has changed since this post. I’ve done loads of healing and self discovery. My whole outlook on life has changed and generally speaking, I’m a lot more positive and open to the experiences that may come my way. I miss my mum tremendously and wish she was here to discover and venture along side me in this new chapter of my life. I think it would have been very comforting and enriching for her. But, I also know that she’s with me when I need her and can see my growth from wherever she is. Hug your loved ones, folks. They can be gone as quickly as they walk out of the room. Quite literally.
Learn Spanish through immersion.
Go back to school.
Pay down credit card debt.
Hit Goal Weight #1.
Learn to ride motorcycle or pilot boat.
Buy motorcycle or boat.
Family tribute tattoo.
Two other options: relocating and/or career change. Things aren’t working. They haven’t been working. Time for something new. Time to step out and try something different.
I would be being disingenuous if I said that I wasn’t affected at all by the movements and trends growing in our society and politics as of late. As unpopular a position it might be for me to take, I feel there is talent and those dedicated to greater good on both sides of the aisle. Sitting back and watching the election has motivated me not to take a side, but to work to bring people to the table again.
Over the whole of my career, I’ve always struggled with trying to precisely define what I do (or rather package it) in a way that people I meet will not just ‘get it’, but also respect it. Anybody who’s ever worked in the ‘consulting business’ knows the struggles with legitimacy-in-the-eyes-of-others one can face. Especially when you’re working under your own firm.
What form this career change will take, I’m still unsure. It (obviously) will depend a lot on what opens up for me degree/study wise. I might need to move so that I can attend a University best suited for my goals. Sorta chicken/egg kind of thing.
My lease here requires a notice to renew in just a couple of months. I really don’t care for the idea of having to wait another year before getting out of here. The agent is a good friend of mine and might cut me a shorter term, which I could handle.
Last year, I was considering all of this but it didn’t feel right. A lot of apprehension and familial guilt (more on that another time). The 2016 holiday season was very enlightening not just about the motivations of others, but also my own inner workings. 2017 hit and I knew it’s time to go. Even I woke up a winner of a million dollars, I’d still pack up and go.
This isn’t the first time I’ve left my hometown. Part of me would like to say I’d come back. There’s a lot in the world to keep me busy though.