Journal: Hiding in the Broom Closet from Family

Editor’s Note: I’ve gone back and forth on how deeply I want to dive on this as it involves another family member. While I have gone to great lengths to keep this (online and real life) part of myself quarantined from my family, there is always the possibility that they somehow stumble upon this blog. If they ever read this, to them I would say: I believed you were genuine when you said you wanted to build a relationship and so was I. If you have gotten past these issues enumerated below (or would like help in doing so), I am open to continuing forward.

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A few years ago, my father reconnected with a woman he had known overseas and quite quickly married her. There’s a lot of history between this woman and my father, my father and her husband, and my father and my mother. Like my mother, I had no idea about most of it. I’m not sure she even knew all of it before she died as my father had only spilled the beans during their first separation (which happened six months after my mother’s passing). This post is not about my father’s marriage to my mother and their subsequent divorce just as it’s not about the shenanigans he and my (now) stepmother participated in before my mother came along or their eventual surprise reunification and marriage. My mother had remarried (and divorced) in the intervening years so I had already dealt with a stepparent/family situation before. Again, that dynamic isn’t a factor here.

This entry is purely about my stepmother and how she has impacted my journey as a Baby Witch.

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This first time I met my stepmother was the Thanksgiving before my mother died. I had no idea what to expect as my father was very stingy with information about her. All I knew was that she was Puerto Rican, had worked overseas at the air force base where he was stationed, and the love they felt then was just as intense as they felt it now nearly forty years later. He was the happiest I had ever known him to be in my life. Seriously.

Continue reading “Journal: Hiding in the Broom Closet from Family”

Journal: Goals for 2017

**30th Jan 2019 Update: Whilst importing and reformatting my posts from Tumblr (RiP), I came across this entry. It was a month before my mum would unexpectedly die. I have gone back to school and paid down some of my credit card debt. That’s something. So much has changed since this post. I’ve done loads of healing and self discovery. My whole outlook on life has changed and generally speaking, I’m a lot more positive and open to the experiences that may come my way. I miss my mum tremendously and wish she was here to discover and venture along side me in this new chapter of my life. I think it would have been very comforting and enriching for her. But, I also know that she’s with me when I need her and can see my growth from wherever she is. Hug your loved ones, folks. They can be gone as quickly as they walk out of the room. Quite literally.

  1. Learn Spanish through immersion.
  2. Go back to school.
  3. Pay down credit card debt.
  4. Hit Goal Weight #1.
  5. Learn to ride motorcycle or pilot boat.
  6. Buy motorcycle or boat.
  7. Family tribute tattoo.

Two other options: relocating and/or career change. Things aren’t working. They haven’t been working. Time for something new. Time to step out and try something different.

I would be being disingenuous if I said that I wasn’t affected at all by the movements and trends growing in our society and politics as of late. As unpopular a position it might be for me to take, I feel there is talent and those dedicated to greater good on both sides of the aisle. Sitting back and watching the election has motivated me not to take a side, but to work to bring people to the table again. 

Over the whole of my career, I’ve always struggled with trying to precisely define what I do (or rather package it) in a way that people I meet will not just ‘get it’, but also respect it. Anybody who’s ever worked in the ‘consulting business’ knows the struggles with legitimacy-in-the-eyes-of-others one can face. Especially when you’re working under your own firm.

What form this career change will take, I’m still unsure. It (obviously) will depend a lot on what opens up for me degree/study wise. I might need to move so that I can attend a University best suited for my goals. Sorta chicken/egg kind of thing.

My lease here requires a notice to renew in just a couple of months. I really don’t care for the idea of having to wait another year before getting out of here. The agent is a good friend of mine and might cut me a shorter term, which I could handle. 

Last year, I was considering all of this but it didn’t feel right. A lot of apprehension and familial guilt (more on that another time). The 2016 holiday season was very enlightening not just about the motivations of others, but also my own inner workings. 2017 hit and I knew it’s time to go. Even I woke up a winner of a million dollars, I’d still pack up and go.

This isn’t the first time I’ve left my hometown. Part of me would like to say I’d come back. There’s a lot in the world to keep me busy though.