Spending December with Hekate

Hekate (from The Goddess Oracle by Amy Sophia Marashinsky) is my guide for December.

For the last couple of months, I have pulled Goddess cards from whichever oracle deck has responded. My request is for a goddess (or multiple) to connect with, to look to, to learn from in order to meet the month’s challenges and continue on my journey. This particular deck is one that I’ve had for a while, but hadn’t (until tonight) responded to my energy.

When Hekate popped out, I saw her and felt a wave of sadness. Part of me, the old me, has to die. I have to let her go. I know this has been coming and not just because of all the times the Death Card has appeared in my personal tarot readings. But I’ve felt the increasing push towards change, towards a crossroads as well.

As a young Gemini, I discovered how to transform my exterior to change what I felt inside. If my heart got broken or something negative happened in my life I changed my hair, my appearance, New clothes, different swagger. I’d delete all my social media, photos, journal entries. A complete data wipe and new image of a better OS went on my metaphorical hard drive. Looking back, this is quite the example of Glamour Magick. But I was doing this all the way back in high school, maybe middle school before I first explored witchcraft. I wasn’t erasing memories per se, because I’m still sentimental and hold onto certain items from people. But anything written or illustrated that cataloged hurt, confrontation, disappointment, whatever, I’d dump it. Even burn it. This ability to manipulate my appearance is also why I enjoy makeup and costumes/cosplay so much. It’s the reason why I can use a photo of my face on social media and still be in the broom closet. That’s me, but not the version of me my family or colleagues see. They don’t know her. They wouldn’t recognize her — me in that form if we passed on the street.

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Pull Up

Today was a hard day. I had been so motivated and making progress financially. And today, the behaviour of certain family members was too much. I have been steady getting tired of the dynamic, but avoided confrontation. Trying to keep my head down and stay focused. But an hour ago, I just started crying. Their behaviour hurts me. Their lack of consideration of and respect for me hurts me. A lot. I feel taken advantage of and manipulated. It. Hurts.

Now, I’m sitting here ugly crying and shuffling speaking aloud what I’m grateful for. All my plans and goals. First card I feel and see is Ten of Swords. Yea.

More shuffling. Nothing is coming out. By now, the crying has stopped and I look at the bottom of the deck and itโ€™s The Lovers. I’m a Gemini.

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Manifestation Meditation

Got this up on my desktops, screen savers, lock screens. Trying to channel that Empress energy. Trying to use the Major Arcana as visualisation to stay motivated, balanced, creative, and receptive.

I am ready to heal and build a positive relationship with my past and family (Six of Cups). I am ready to celebrate life and move forward (Four of Wands) with the ultimate goal to have a fulfilling, bountiful family life built on strong emotional bonds (Ten of Cups).

I embrace my inner High Priestess and Strength to facilitate change and rebirth (Death Card) with the goal to attain better balance (Temperance).

I am ready to make better choices, the right choices against negative and sabotaging behaviour (The Lovers card). I am open and ready to receive love (Ace of Cups) and experience positive exchanges of emotions as well as the possibility of love (Two of Cups).

I will channel and embody Empress Energy (The Empress) to continue my journey forward (The Chariot), full of creativity and drive (Ace of Wands). I will keep my emotions, energy, and creativity flowing with hope and positivity (The Star). The Wheel will always turn (The Wheel of Fortune).

My family, financial abundance, success, and good health will all be restored (Ten of Pentacles).