Prior to beginning, I usually read through the exercise to make sure I understand the purpose and that I have everything I need. That knowledge then carries over into my pre-reading meditation where I give thanks, do a bit of praying, let go of things troubling me from earlier in the day, and just get centered. My prayer for this exercise was to learn how to find the balance between producing the highest quality work and also being in the moment and enjoying the process.
To add some extra information here, I took on a client a short time ago and recently declined the offer to come on-board full time as they had originally hired me only for a relaunch project rather than a more permanent management position. They exhausted their original retainer and a few days ago I sent them a follow up invoice billing the hours accumulated over and above the original amount. This wasn’t a surprise as they had asked specifically about paying for the time I’ve worked and whatever they owe. Typically, I receive payment within hours electronically. I know in my heart of hearts that not only was my rate and billing to them fair-to-generous (they are family friends), but I did excellent work even if they complained I was too detail oriented and working to far ahead.
[Note: I rewrote this somewhat extensively compared to the original post on Instagram. Over the intervening days, I’ve given these cards and information additional thought. This is reflected in the revision published below.]
Prudence, Gain, and Wealth are the focus of the second exercise from the Lamp Lighter Challenge hosted by Hermit’s Mirror. The three decanic minors for Virgo in the Osho Zen Tarot are Ordinariness (Eight of Pentacles), Ripeness (Nine of Pentacles), and We Are the World (Ten of Pentacles).
When I do these challenges, I cleanse the deck beforehand and turn the cards right way up. That way, if there are reversals that pop up, I know it’s from fresh energy on the deck. In light of seeing that all the response cards are showing up reversed or mirrored to the focus cards drives home to me the point that these answers are within the context of what’s going on inside of me.
From Becoming by Michelle Obama: “I tried not to feel intimidated when classroom conversation was dominated by male students, which it often was. Hearing them, I realized they weren’t at all smarter than the rest of us. They were simply emboldened, floating on an ancient tide of superiority, buoyed by the fact that history had never told them anything different.”
Growing up, I never had somebody tell me that I was “just as good” as the boys or even take the time to warn me about the subtle (and not so subtle) forms of oppression and discrimination that I might face.
Boys are told by both their fathers AND mothers that they run the world. Meanwhile so many of us girls are barely propped up by the women in our own families to challenge the status quo. More often than not it’s these same women who dissuade girls from speaking up and stepping out. It’s really not that bad, right? You won’t have to work. You’ll have your dream home and family. You won’t ever have to worry about making a decision.
I’ve been having a rough go of it with emotions relating to my self esteem/identity and unresolved hurts from both childhood and a previous relationship. Some of these things I have outlined on here in previous posts. Part of the reason why I’ve had a rather long absence from posting is I just did not want to face any of it. Cancer season is emotional. I really don’t like talking about my feelings. Well, I can talk about them in an abstract and clinical way. I just don’t want to feel them. But tonight I gave up fighting it and just sat there and listened.
The meditation was an improvised thing. I was praying/meditating and pulling cards for guidance on why I’ve been so destructive. Towards the end of the reading two cards came out. Ten of Swords, Three of Swords. Both reversed.
Pull these swords out.
Clear as day. So, I put those two cards at the top of my desk. Studied them. Felt them. And just went with it.
I had the Tower Moment as I was dictating my notes on the cards. I cried. A lot. Sigh. Well, truthfully, I started crying when the Strength card fell out. It’s not that I consciously feel weak, but rather it’s nice to see/hear that I can “do this”.
Everything here are concepts I am very familiar with for this particular dynamic. It is both reinforcement and encouragement. I need to refocus. If I’m gonna be successful in manifesting I must unblock my energy and let the creativity flow. I gotta let go of what isn’t, move forward toward what will be, and transform.