Last year, I purchased Doreen Virtue’s Goddess Guidance Oracle deck (GGO). Since then, I have done a few posts about it and occasionally a reading. It wasn’t long after that I made the decision to replace it with The Divine Feminine Oracle (DFO) deck by Meggan Watterson. While the cards I drew from the GGO resonated with me for those situations, I still felt put off by the guidebook. Even when I stopped bringing the book out altogether and started diving straight into my own research, there felt like this wall in between me and the deck.
The Back Story
I bought the GGO (and then decided to buy DFO) because for most of my life I haven’t had many positive female influences. The women who raised me were all powerful in certain ways, but very dysfunctional. Some were very much not who I should have looked up to as role models for how to function in relationships or even how to interact with my self. Through ancestor work and my love of learning about different cultures, I wanted a deck focused on feminine energy with deities, archetypes, and heroes that could help me grow in places that were neglected. Obviously, this is why I was so disappointed in how GGO handled introducing the strong female identities.
This reading actually came out as I was shuffling to clean my cards after finishing up the reading I originally sat down to do. The first out were the King of Cups, Ace of Swords reversed, and King of Pentacles. Oh boy.
I asked for clarity on both Kings. To be fair, I was 90% certain who the Cups was though I do have a couple of Pisces in my life. But the Earth Sign could be so many different people. That’s always been an interesting thing: I draw in (or am attracted to?) a lot of Earth Energy from friends to lovers. Big surprise the Scorpio comes up with the Death Card. I so love Nakisha’s Rabbit Tarot for many reasons, but especially this card. Not going to lie, I had a bit of heartache seeing it and the Eight of Cups together. Sigh. I hear you.
When it comes to readings about love and relationships, I look at tarot reversals with cups as an emptying out of emotions — the person can’t be in denial or keep them contained any longer in contrast to say the Ace of Cups which is positive and jubilant and overflowing happily. In a situation like this where it clearly is in reference to a particular person or energy, I look at this and see an Earth sign with either heavy water placements or presenting as if they are very watery, which may be temporary and only in this situation. I have an ex who is a Taurus Sun with a Scorpio Moon and he is notorious for bottling up his emotions and turning them inward. Could it be him? I wouldn’t be surprised.
So, this happened: Six of Swords, then both Nine of Swords and King of Pentacles reversed.
And then this happened: The Tower, the Sun, and the Lovers cards make an appearance.
That water sign business at the bottom there, oh boy. Thank God I have a pair of personal flotation devices built in.
I arranged the cards the way I did to highlight the imagery I see, e.g. the change in the couple falling out of the tower to their state in the lovers card, the journey and humbling of the water sign at the bottom.
As an aside, I’m not entirely sold that that King of Pentacles up there is my Taurean ex. I often associate him with the Knight/King. That’s the obvious answer. Moving on from the situation fully, out come the swords, his title/influence in my life taken away. This may be speaking more to a state of mind I’ve been battling, which also relates to Mr. Taurus.
2019 is going to be interesting. I may post the rest of this reading later.
I did a tarot reading for myself last night. Spent about half an hour beforehand expressing my gratitude for my abilities, my experiences, life lessons, the people I’ve met in my life, the people I’ve loved.
The question I asked was: What do I need to do to elevate my vibration to enhance my manifestation and attract what has been set aside for me?
1st row: Sun card reversed, The World reversed, Seven of Pentacles reversed, and The Magician. Life isn’t going to be the best it can be if I don’t put in the work. Seven of Pentacles, to me, is starting the process and laying the ground work. That’s arguably the hardest step. Moving forward through the suit, Eight of Pentacles represents hitting your stride and doing the damn thing. Nine of Pentacles symbolizes all of it paying off and the upgrades and accolades coming in. You’re feeling yourself. You know you got this. Ten of Pentacles is the ultimate in the manifestation cycle, fruits of all the work, living your best life. It’s all materializing. Be the Magician. Bring those ideas down to earth. Be that conduit. Work your magic. Get your ass in gear.
The chair arrived and has been assembled! It is so comfortable and can be adjusted to the perfect height for the desk. So very happy. It’s super plush and was very easy to put together. Yay Office Depot! It’s taken a couple days for the odor on the bookcase to dissipate. Or, at least I hope it has versus me having simply gotten used to it. I’m gonna wipe it down with some lemon scented Pledge later.
The past week I’ve really wanted to write and yesterday was the first chance I got to really sit down to do it. The night before I read through some old stories and found a series of three that I wanted to revisit, rewrite, refresh. A lot of the stories with “couples” in them are based of my past situations with guys. This series in particular was with an Aquarius and we shared a very peculiar attraction. It was worth writing about then. But it’s interesting to read back through how I wrote the female character (a version of me, I guess). The writing is solid, but the character’s personality traits are just so… It’s just hard for me to imagine that I used to operate like that within a courtship. A positive spin on it: I can see that I’ve grown a lot.
It’s cold AF here today. I’m going to go for a drive, take some photos, and do my errands. Absolutely beautiful out there. Plus, I’ve noticed that when I get down or discouraged, listening to podcasts (catching up on The Serpent Cast and Betwixt & Between, right now) helps to lift my mood and get me back on track. Yes, I’m a solitary. But, I really and truly am in every sense of the word. I can’t share this with my family. There’s no “Guess what I’ve learnt today!” or “I want to share this with you!”. None of that. Best case scenario one relative might be totally apathetic to what is a joyful period of personal growth in my life while the others would be… I don’t want to think about that. I’ll eventually address that in another entry when I tackle it.
Probably going to do some Tarot tonight after dinner. There are a few notebooks I need to finish setting up. Trying to decide if I want to put my custom tarot spreads in a book of their own with my meditations and journaling or put it in a tarot section of my BoS. I do a lot of work with tarot. That could wind up being a major section all on its own. Probably best to put it in its own notebook.
The Rabbit Tarot by Nakisha van der Hoeven is a very special and treasured tarot deck in my collection. I feel super close to my mum when I use it. Today, I sat down for a break from moving furniture, cleaning, and decorating and decided to have a little chat of sorts.
The Devil card reversed and The Hanged Man: I’ve made some massive decisions starting back in October about my spirituality, religious practices, sexuality, and other things. It’s been so freeing. I can’t explain the relief and happiness that has swept through my life. But, I’m now in new territory. Feeling along, searching, learning as I go. So yes, I do feel a bit “hung up” at times as I look to the different directions that I could go in.
The World card and Six of Cups: I asked my mum if she had any advice for me and boom. Here she is.
Today was an angry day. I didn’t realise it until I let myself get pulled into my feelings with a stranger over somebody else’s business. Then I saw how angry I was and that that anger was sourced in several different issues.
I went to a relative with whom I’m trying to repair/build a relationship and they kinda confirmed they haven’t changed. Or rather I had an expectation about something and they showed they didn’t share that expectation. I tend to come away from interactions with them feeling like an employee rather than a family member.
We were supposed to go to an event tomorrow together. I am doing her hair, makeup, and costume. This whole week she has dodged getting together to go over things and she just told me she’s going to be busy all day tomorrow and will be available two hours before the event so that I can make her up and dress her.
… and when we come to know from experience that the dark and the difficult are needed as much as the light and easy, then we begin to have a very different perspective on the world. By allowing all of life’s colors to penetrate us, we become more integrated.
Commentary for “New Vision” (Major Arcana #12 The Hanged Man), Osho Zen Tarot.
I picked this deck because I feel like there’s a lot of transformation I still need to navigate. Perfect time for this in Scorpio season, no? It’s very specialized if you read through the contents page. The book by the way is quite thick and lovely. The reviews also played a part in swaying me to buy it as it was mentioned quite a bit that the feel and connection with the deck was a very fresh and different experience. Similar to the Lovers Path Tarot that I posted recently, it’s designed for something beyond what I would call a typical tarot reading.
The book with notes and explanations will be put to good use. It’s easy to recognize a fair amount of the traditional card symbolism in this deck. But, there are many layers to the imagery that really transforms these cards into a differently tuned instrument of divination for me. When I shuffled through the cards, I knew instantly this deck was a tool I needed to aid me in my personal growth and buying it was the right decision for me.
When I first saw photos online of The Lovers Path Tarot by Kris Waldherr, I felt emotional. It was more than being moved. It was stronger, deeper. I love tarot decks and there are dozens I’d love to have. But there was this pull to have it. Like my heart ached for it. The booklet I will definitely use as the Major Arcana are connected to different couples.
This second photo gives examples of the High Priestess (Shahrazade and Shahriyar), the Empress (Cleopatra and Caesar), the Emperor (Arthur and Guinevere), the Hierophant (Romeo and Juliet), and the Lovers (Isis and Osiris) cards. There’s a lot of opportunity to do extra research into the history of the personalities of these couples and how they connect to the archetypes of their traditional Tarot card counterparts.
So, so beautiful. And they feel great in the hands.
Today was a hard day. I had been so motivated and making progress financially. And today, the behaviour of certain family members was too much. I have been steady getting tired of the dynamic, but avoided confrontation. Trying to keep my head down and stay focused. But an hour ago, I just started crying. Their behaviour hurts me. Their lack of consideration of and respect for me hurts me. A lot. I feel taken advantage of and manipulated. It. Hurts.
Now, I’m sitting here ugly crying and shuffling speaking aloud what I’m grateful for. All my plans and goals. First card I feel and see is Ten of Swords. Yea.
More shuffling. Nothing is coming out. By now, the crying has stopped and I look at the bottom of the deck and it’s The Lovers. I’m a Gemini.
I’ve been having a rough go of it with emotions relating to my self esteem/identity and unresolved hurts from both childhood and a previous relationship. Some of these things I have outlined on here in previous posts. Part of the reason why I’ve had a rather long absence from posting is I just did not want to face any of it. Cancer season is emotional. I really don’t like talking about my feelings. Well, I can talk about them in an abstract and clinical way. I just don’t want to feel them. But tonight I gave up fighting it and just sat there and listened.
The meditation was an improvised thing. I was praying/meditating and pulling cards for guidance on why I’ve been so destructive. Towards the end of the reading two cards came out. Ten of Swords, Three of Swords. Both reversed.
Pull these swords out.
Clear as day. So, I put those two cards at the top of my desk. Studied them. Felt them. And just went with it.
My natal Mars (not retrograde) is in Capricorn same as my moon. This full moon in Capricorn and Retrograde in Aquarius (my ascendant) really hit me.
The fatigue started Thursday afternoon. I call it that because at the time, that’s what it felt like. I didn’t sleep well the night before and I initially thought I was getting run down. But then I started to really listen to my body. I was sighing a lot. My muscles and actual physical self didn’t feel tired. I focused in and instead realized that I was tired — exhausted even.
Gemini season was rough. My natural instincts were to kinda be quiet and stay to myself. Every now and again I’d pop up and hang with some friends for some laughs. That was a double edged sword until I started being smarter about it. But I mostly tried to focus on writing and working on self.
Going into Cancer season (my Venus is in Cancer and figures very strongly in areas where I’ve needed to work on), I was trepidatious. There’s still a large part of my personality that doesn’t want to talk/experience my emotions. I remember doing a few big birthday readings and during one of them I had this light bulb moment.