When I began considering titles for this post my first inclination was to use the term “reconcile”, but in a context similar to reconciling one’s transactions in their bank book. Since this is going to be about a relationship, I don’t want the presumption to be that the relationship has been queued up for replay. A legal term popped into my head: Affirm.
A couple days ago, I saw on Instagram a snippet of a quote that really grabbed me: “I don’t regret the love I gave because you probably needed it.”
Was it any surprise that I was going to do a Valentine’s Day reading with The Lovers Path Tarot? It’s such a beautiful deck. And full of wisdom! I keep it in this embroidered burgundy and gold drawstring bag that matches the palette of the deck’s artwork. I had been looking around a bit for a cloth to do readings on for it and happened across this gorgeous vintage Oscar de la Renta scarf with all the reds, pinks, and purples a person could want. My heart!
I have this relative that I’ve mentioned previously, the fire sign. She’s a maternal figure of sorts. She’s my mother’s sister. We have a very complicated relationship and it’s something I’ve really been working to improve. Earlier today, I was trying to help her with something. Unfortunately, it was beyond my ability and she’d have to find someone else to get it sorted. I came back to my desk to do my Valentine’s Day reading and she was sorta floating in and out of my head a bit whilst I was trying to get centered. It wasn’t enough to get me to stop shuffling, so I just went with it. Up come the Six of Swords and the Wheel of Fortune cards.
This reading actually came out as I was shuffling to clean my cards after finishing up the reading I originally sat down to do. The first out were the King of Cups, Ace of Swords reversed, and King of Pentacles. Oh boy.
I asked for clarity on both Kings. To be fair, I was 90% certain who the Cups was though I do have a couple of Pisces in my life. But the Earth Sign could be so many different people. That’s always been an interesting thing: I draw in (or am attracted to?) a lot of Earth Energy from friends to lovers. Big surprise the Scorpio comes up with the Death Card. I so love Nakisha’s Rabbit Tarot for many reasons, but especially this card. Not going to lie, I had a bit of heartache seeing it and the Eight of Cups together. Sigh. I hear you.
When it comes to readings about love and relationships, I look at tarot reversals with cups as an emptying out of emotions — the person can’t be in denial or keep them contained any longer in contrast to say the Ace of Cups which is positive and jubilant and overflowing happily. In a situation like this where it clearly is in reference to a particular person or energy, I look at this and see an Earth sign with either heavy water placements or presenting as if they are very watery, which may be temporary and only in this situation. I have an ex who is a Taurus Sun with a Scorpio Moon and he is notorious for bottling up his emotions and turning them inward. Could it be him? I wouldn’t be surprised.
Today was a hard day. I had been so motivated and making progress financially. And today, the behaviour of certain family members was too much. I have been steady getting tired of the dynamic, but avoided confrontation. Trying to keep my head down and stay focused. But an hour ago, I just started crying. Their behaviour hurts me. Their lack of consideration of and respect for me hurts me. A lot. I feel taken advantage of and manipulated. It. Hurts.
Now, I’m sitting here ugly crying and shuffling speaking aloud what I’m grateful for. All my plans and goals. First card I feel and see is Ten of Swords. Yea.
More shuffling. Nothing is coming out. By now, the crying has stopped and I look at the bottom of the deck and it’s The Lovers. I’m a Gemini.
Life is funny. I had (have, up until five minutes ago) two people in my life that I considered to be my closest friends. Both of them I had dated at one point in our lives and both decided to be friends after the breakups.
Mr. Taurus was the one I had dated off and on since our teen years and the one I had hoped would eventually get his shit together. Mr. Scorpio was someone I just happened to meet and it was unexpected and amazing, but a romantic relationship wasn’t sustainable between us at that point. Very different personalities, but with some interesting similarities. An example? Both played baseball in school. Both no longer can. One refuses to look at, talk about, or watch baseball. Any time I bring it up, he gets mad and won’t talk to me. The other loves baseball and any discussion about it. The sport is actually one of the things that we share and enjoy quite a bit in our friendship. Care to guess which is which?