Journal: Affirming the Past

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When I began considering titles for this post my first inclination was to use the term “reconcile”, but in a context similar to reconciling one’s transactions in their bank book. Since this is going to be about a relationship, I don’t want the presumption to be that the relationship has been queued up for replay. A legal term popped into my head: Affirm.

Affirm (verb) to state or assert positively; maintain as true.
The definition of “affirm” according to Dictionary.com

A couple days ago, I saw on Instagram a snippet of a quote that really grabbed me: “I don’t regret the love I gave because you probably needed it.”

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Valentine’s Day 2019 Reading

Was it any surprise that I was going to do a Valentine’s Day reading with The Lovers Path Tarot? It’s such a beautiful deck. And full of wisdom! I keep it in this embroidered burgundy and gold drawstring bag that matches the palette of the deck’s artwork. I had been looking around a bit for a cloth to do readings on for it and happened across this gorgeous vintage Oscar de la Renta scarf with all the reds, pinks, and purples a person could want. My heart!

Six of Arrows and Fortune: Danae & Zeus, The Lovers Path tarot deck.

I have this relative that I’ve mentioned previously, the fire sign. She’s a maternal figure of sorts. She’s my mother’s sister. We have a very complicated relationship and it’s something I’ve really been working to improve. Earlier today, I was trying to help her with something. Unfortunately, it was beyond my ability and she’d have to find someone else to get it sorted. I came back to my desk to do my Valentine’s Day reading and she was sorta floating in and out of my head a bit whilst I was trying to get centered. It wasn’t enough to get me to stop shuffling, so I just went with it. Up come the Six of Swords and the Wheel of Fortune cards.

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Swimming with a Scorpio

Got into a rather serious row with my Scorpio friend earlier tonight. I took it personal and he followed in kind. We wound up talking it out almost right after it went down.

Though he was right about what we were arguing over, I brought something into it that while related — didn’t have anything to do with what happened.

A couple months ago we had that big row and I got what I thought would be the closest I’d ever get to an apology for what was said from him. Well, he apologized for all of it tonight.

I was floored. That’s a big deal. The things he said just… I love his heart so much.

The weapon we used to hurt each other earlier was the same: how people perceive us. It was so analogous to how people also perceive Scorpio — that hard shell, the pinchers, the poisoned tail. Not very cuddly on the outside. But man, there are so many instances when I just want to hug him when I see his tenderness hiding away in there. His heart is deep. Not just buried under the armour, but deep in its own capacity.

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Le Regine di Inspirazione

I have forgotten the books I have read and the dinners I have eaten, but they both helped make me.

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Stay grounded. Stay focused. Welcome abundance. Radiate gratitude.

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Goddess Exploration, Part II

Felt the pull to break out my Goddess Guidance Oracle Deck to see who I should connect with to navigate through January.

Hawaiian Pele and Celtic Aine goddesses hopped out of a nicely flowing shuffle.

With Tutu Pele, the theme of fire and deeper creation through the surface of destruction mirrors a lot of the wands energy I’ve been getting in Tarot lately. A way for me to survive was going dormant. Now, I need to transition out of that and become passionate again, motivated, creative. There’s a lot inside that has hardened and needs to be cracked so that new and fresh can flow through for growth.

Regarding Aine, my Venus in Cancer loves her connection to water, healing, musicality, emotional expression, sensuality, wealth and abundance, and the moon. Her correspondences are air (Gemini & Aquarius power!), rabbits, and is depicted as a redhead! As gentle and caring as she is, there is also a ferocity present. Justice is a theme I get from reading about her. The bit about the rabbits really touched my heart for personal reasons.

I can be nurturing without putting myself in an unbalanced and unhealthy situation. I can harness the power of these gifts to both create and connect to ultimately gain my independence.

Vesta decided to come through on an ending shuffle and is more of an affirmation of the changes materialising within my family unit. I’m seeing great positive progress in certain areas. For that, I’m very grateful.

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Beyonce and Lakshmi

I was studying Lakshmi earlier this afternoon as part of a goddess meditation and then happened to see all these posts just now on IG and Twitter. Right down to the red dress with golden thread, Beyonce radiated that energy of abundance and totally embodies that vibe. Even taking into consideration the Lemonade era and the personal growth she shared with us through her music, I think she’s a great woman to look to for channeling (perhaps unknowingly) the Lakshmi energy – material and spiritual wealth and liberation.

On a more personal note: the symbolism of Lakshmi and Vishnu in wedding ceremonies and festivities is so beautiful. The story of Sati/Parvati and Shiva is incredibly moving. I connect with those stories for the same reason Isis and Osiris resonate with me as well.

I blame my Venus in Cancer.

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Goddess Exploration, Part I

I woke up today and decided to do my first reading with the Goddess Guidance Oracle Deck. Scorpio Season and Venus in retrograde have taken the peaceful little bay I’ve created for myself and people I love and turned it into an insane whirlpool of feels. People are not just becoming unmoored, but they are straight up losing their shit.

I need some help. I need some guidance. I need some positive, powerful female forces. So, I asked to see which Goddesses from whose stories I could learn the most and then apply that knowledge to help things right now. This is who popped up:

  1. Sekhmet
  2. Sige
  3. Sulis
  4. Vesta (As an aside, my Vesta is in fiery Aries and my 7th House.)
  5. White Tara
  6. Yemoja (called Yemanya in this deck.)

I love this squad of awesome Goddesses. There’s an element of Duality in their nature in some of them that I really connect with as a Gemini. There’s also a strong theme of water energy present which my Venus in Cancer is drinking up.

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1st Osho Zen Tarot Reading

About a week ago, the Osho Zen Tarot deck arrived and I took some pretty photos of it showcasing the artwork. Just a few days after that, I pulled cards for my first reading. What an insightful experience.

I had been shuffling for a while and – though the cards felt quick and light – nothing was coming out. For a few days prior, I had slept with the cards under my pillow and they had snuggled with my main deck (Radiant Rider Waite) as well as the Lovers Path deck. They were definitely charged. A couple times I reworded my questions. Same result, quick and spirited flow in the shuffle, but nothing. Normally, I’d look at the bottom of the deck to see what was flowing underneath, but instead I just cleared my thoughts. I decided to let the cards talk about what they wanted to talk about.

Boom, a chunk of cards sprouted up stuck together. I can’t remember how many of what is on here were in that group, but I think only the last three were bottom of the deck. I’m going to quote from the guidebook in the order the cards came up. In parentheses is the name of the RW card that shares the same position to showcase the connections and differences. 

XI Breakthrough (Justice): “…the brilliant glow emanates from the solar plexus… if you are now feeling that ‘enough is enough’ [I am.], allow yourself to take the risk of shattering the old patterns and limitations that have kept your energy from flowing… It is the greatest adventure in life to go through a breakdown consciously. It is the greatest risk because there is no guarantee that the breakdown will become a breakthrough… But without facing this danger nobody has ever become integrated [!!!], nobody has ever become an individual, indivisible.” 

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Lovers Path Tarot: Isis and Osiris

Here’s my first reading from The Lovers Path Tarot under this full moon in Taurus.

Story time! My childhood sweetheart, Mr. Taurus, had a username with Osiris in it for the longest when we were younger. Earlier this year (during one of our episodes of talking), I asked him why he picked that name, if he knew the story of Isis and Osiris. He said he couldn’t remember why he picked it, but had probably heard the story in school around that time or something. Sigh.

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My Venus is in Cancer, his is in Gemini. I’ve spent a lot of my life thinking that loving him would usher in change and fix problems. It didn’t. Maybe he got bored? I remember when he first brought up getting a small house together where he was living. I panicked. It was far away from my family, my work, and in a much smaller town that was hours away from the beach.

He has been on my mind today since the massive hurricane. When I saw the Osiris/Isis (The Lover) card reversed, I cried. The rest of the cards (Five of Pentacles = emotional starvation, Eight of Cups = time to let go and walk on versus Ten of Cups = the dream, Nine of Cups = getting everything together) confirm that intuitive interpretation.

I’m eyeing that Page of Cups and the Dionysus and Ariadne (Triumph/World Card) as well. Out with the old and in with the new?

Journal: Friendships

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Life is funny. I had (have, up until five minutes ago) two people in my life that I considered to be my closest friends. Both of them I had dated at one point in our lives and both decided to be friends after the breakups.

Mr. Taurus was the one I had dated off and on since our teen years and the one I had hoped would eventually get his shit together.  Mr. Scorpio was someone I just happened to meet and it was unexpected and amazing, but a romantic relationship wasn’t sustainable between us at that point. Very different personalities, but with some interesting similarities. An example? Both played baseball in school. Both no longer can. One refuses to look at, talk about, or watch baseball. Any time I bring it up, he gets mad and won’t talk to me. The other loves baseball and any discussion about it. The sport is actually one of the things that we share and enjoy quite a bit in our friendship. Care to guess which is which?

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Journal: Salt Life

Feel the breeze. Smell the salt. Release the pain.

Sometimes, the quickest and easiest way for me to recharge is to hop in the car, roll down the windows, and head to the beach.

I’ve never lived especially inland. However, there have been a few times in my life when I have moved to places where I may be near water, but I can’t see it or smell it. On the Gulf Coast, you can wind up in a rural area that feels very isolated and inland, but the Gulf of Mexico is a mile to the west. The air, the movement still helps me to feel better, especially if I have my favourite music playing. Still, it’s not quite the same.

Seeing the beach, the waves, smelling the salt, is probably one of the most powerful forms of passive rejuvenation that I’ve discovered. I say passive to mean that I don’t have to sit and actively focus on clearing my mind, doing an inventory, constantly trying to bring my thoughts under control. It just happens when I go along those coastal drives. Even when it’s super hot, the movement, vision, aromas of Salt Life washes over me and is so cleansing.

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Mars Retrograde

My natal Mars (not retrograde) is in Capricorn same as my moon. This full moon in Capricorn and Retrograde in Aquarius (my ascendant) really hit me. 

The fatigue started Thursday afternoon. I call it that because at the time, that’s what it felt like. I didn’t sleep well the night before and I initially thought I was getting run down. But then I started to really listen to my body. I was sighing a lot. My muscles and actual physical self didn’t feel tired. I focused in and instead realized that I was tired — exhausted even.

Gemini season was rough. My natural instincts were to kinda be quiet and stay to myself. Every now and again I’d pop up and hang with some friends for some laughs. That was a double edged sword until I started being smarter about it. But I mostly tried to focus on writing and working on self.

Going into Cancer season (my Venus is in Cancer and figures very strongly in areas where I’ve needed to work on), I was trepidatious. There’s still a large part of my personality that doesn’t want to talk/experience my emotions. I remember doing a few big birthday readings and during one of them I had this light bulb moment.

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Tarot Spread: The Ocean Spread by Kiki’s Cauldron

grimoire333:

kikiscauldron:

The last month or so I have been healing and resting by the ocean. This spread was inspired by that. This is a longer, more in depth reading for self discovery. I have found it to be a playful and soothing read. This tarot spread will be featured in the July 2018 edition of Witch Way Magazine, along with articles I’ve written on Florida Water and shell divination. I hope you enjoy!

this is beautiful

My gosh, what an amazing spread! And with Cancer season round the corner!

I’ve always felt super connected to water and sea life. While I’ve never lived super far inland, the times that I’ve lived further away from the coast than what would allow me to visit it regularly severely hampered my ability to recharge. In fact, during those parts of my life I would find a similar (though much less potent) effect by watching videos of waves on beaches or HD scuba exploration. I was taking a lot of long hot baths and visiting the pool also to just float and feel the water envelop me.

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